|I've never come as hard as when|
by Julian X  /  poetry  /  28 Apr 2008
I’ve never come as hard as when
you were sucking me and stopped
to think of another man.
I was on my back, flat,
watching those impossible swallows and holds,
the way you make it look so effortless --
and then you stopped, you stopped
and when I asked why you wouldn’t say.
I asked if you were thinking of him --
the boy you left to be with me,
who couldn’t compete with me or arouse you
any longer, but that you still loved --
and you said yes.
I couldn’t believe that in the middle of
sucking me off you’d stopped in thought of
another man -- what service they have here!
Here I was, and I couldn’t decide
whether to accept this and tell my brain
to stop, to switch gears and accept
this absurdity, this outrage, to comfort
you, my love, with all the futility
of a man comforting a woman
heartsick of another man. But I could see
no reason would dissuade your pain,
trying wouldn’t be productive,
wasn’t what you needed. And so
I told you, “Shut the fuck up
and suck my fucking cock.” With a
finger, pointing. And again you knew
your place. I cursed you and filled
your mouth w/ come, and there was no more
talk of him, only how hard I’d came
and how much you’d loved it.
We must have repeated those lines a million times
in fondest recollection.
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