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CLOSE / Parnassiad

Peace and Other Stories

Fragments of a Formerly Active Sex Life

I've never come as hard as when
by Julian X  /  poetry  /  28 Apr 2008

I’ve never come as hard as when

you were sucking me and stopped

to think of another man.

I was on my back, flat,

watching those impossible swallows and holds,

the way you make it look so effortless --

and then you stopped, you stopped

and when I asked why you wouldn’t say.

I asked if you were thinking of him --

the boy you left to be with me,

who couldn’t compete with me or arouse you

any longer, but that you still loved --

and you said yes.

I couldn’t believe that in the middle of

sucking me off you’d stopped in thought of

another man -- what service they have here!

Here I was, and I couldn’t decide

whether to accept this and tell my brain

to stop, to switch gears and accept

this absurdity, this outrage, to comfort

you, my love, with all the futility

of a man comforting a woman

heartsick of another man.  But I could see

no reason would dissuade your pain,

trying wouldn’t be productive,

wasn’t what you needed.  And so

I told you, “Shut the fuck up

and suck my fucking cock.”  With a

finger, pointing.  And again you knew

your place.  I cursed you and filled

your mouth w/ come, and there was no more

talk of him, only how hard I’d came

and how much you’d loved it.

We must have repeated those lines a million times

in fondest recollection.

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I returned from the wars sixteen years ago
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Death raped her,
Blind men still care for their women’s beauty.
I've never come as hard as when
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