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CLOSE / Parnassiad


Peace and Other Stories


Fragments of a Formerly Active Sex Life



But in Her Heart Suspects / And How Much He’d Like
by Julian X  /  poetry  /  25 Aug 2007

§ Ask her and she’s happy, but in her heart suspects

he really wants the thin, blonde, tall, big-boob type.

§ “Do you think I’m sexy?” she asks him, but what she means

is “do you want the thin, blonde, tall, big-boob type?”

§ “I fuck you, don’t I?” he thinks, as if the erection itself

answered her question, but he knows it’s not a rational one

or at least not the irrational one she’s asking, and so

he tells her “of course” and adds some pet names

to the end to cement the reassurance – but what he fears

is that by “sexy” she means a 10, but he’d prefer to think of it

as “somewhere between a 6 and a 10 most of the time,

and enough to get it up at any rate,” which lets him answer

calmly enough.  § But she’s not done, and asks

“Do you think she’s sexy?” while pointing at some woman

in the street or in some magazine or in some movie,

and again she’s already reinterpreted the question to mean

“Do you really want the thin, blonde, tall, big-boob type?”

§ He looks, but knows he can’t appraise too long,

lest she assume a “yes,” and responds “she’s okay” –

a careful answer, realistic enough to show desire

but not enthusiastic enough to threaten her sense

of security, but if he took the question seriously

(if a man had asked it) he would point out how sexy

her thin, blonde, tall, big-boob body was.

§ At this point, she either (1) throws her arms around him

as if he’s passed some desperately important but routine

test, saying “I love you so much” or somesuch as she does,

or (2) looks away with depressed disinterest, as if she doesn’t

believe him anyway, as if no amount of passing such tests

would satisfy her.  § And he, having not been doing so,

now breathes easy that the test is done and thinks

of the thin, blonde, tall, big-boob type and how much

he’d like to fuck one once in a while, or a new one

every few days, even though he’s no intention of leaving

this insecure non-thin, or non-blonde, or non-tall, or smaller-

boobed girl before him.  § And so they both suffer.

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He dared, the muses said
On Wordsworth and Romantic Assumptions about Poetry
Self-Exile as a Means of Preventing Prophecy
Objets de méditation
I Want a Girl Like Doctor Doom's
The Ape Cheers at the Bride's Vagina
Nancy
l'Esprit évacué
But in Her Heart Suspects / And How Much He’d Like
le Carlin
God’s Five-Fingered Hand, American
Old Silt
A Post-Colonial Tea
Julian the Philosopher
Ocean
Growing Chilies
The Problem with Such Self-Congratulation
Songs of Sadness 1
Songs of Sadness 2
Songs of Sadness 3
Songs of Sadness 4
Not a Song of Sadness
Songs of Sadness 5
Songs of Sadness 6
Songs of Sadness 7-9
Songs of Sadness 10
Unrealized Soulmate
Another Original
Epit.
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Hydroplaning
Letter to the Other Man