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Meet the Cunt #2:  Glenn Beck
by Julian X  /  non-fiction  /  1 Sep 2009

You all already know that Glenn Beck is not only yet another Republican cunt but a freaking lunatic.

He's a guy who, if Paddy Chayefsky had dared to make up, he'd have been laughed at.

But Glenn's most recent atrocity took the cake:

Priceless.  I don't know if America is turning into an octopus, but it's turning into something!  You better ask questions, because you don't want America becoming an octopus, if that is what it's becoming!

"Why did I select these words?"  You selected these words to spell out "oligarchy."  Only you couldn't even do that right, could you?  Don't they have rehearsals over at Fox?

Glenn seems to think that it's magic that the words spell out "oligarchy."  Like, someone just put these sometimes-awkward phrases up on the blackboard, and they just spelled "oligarchy!"  Now, I don't know if that's what's happening, but when your Cheerios spell something out, you pay attention.

But Glenn says that he selected these words "Because ACORN selects tides."  Wow, I had no idea how powerful ACORN was!  Talk about a non-profit that registers voters having terrible, conspiratorial power!

Of course, it's all so much better for Glenn saying that "one letter is missing" and then writing the wrong letter.  But there's a pause there, as Glenn hesitates.  See, he doesn't know how to spell "oligarchy."  He can't, or else he'd stop his routine and put in the "C."  You just don't flub your way through that, if you see you're off.  It's like noticing there's no water in the pool, when you're on the diving board.  If you really noticed, you'd stop.  But Glenn does have a bad feeling, like the word just doesn't look right.  This doesn't stop him, though.  He just goes right on telling us how ACORN controls the tides.

But there's one thing no one seems to be pointing out, as we all join in to mock this mental patient together.

An "oligarchy" is, as everyone casually familiar with Greek history knows, a government run by a small elite of people.  It means "rule by the few," usually the richest, but sometimes the most royal, religious, etc.

So all of this is over... fear that the Bush family will produce another President?  Fear that giant polluting companies will be allowed to literally write environmental legislation?  Fear that a few people will make secret decisions over who's tortured, supposedly on America's behalf?  Fear that this will become a theocracy, run by a few religious nuts, who purge the government of all who don't share their lunatic beliefs?

No, we had all that under Bush -- the ultimate oligarch.

Glenn's after Obama for being an oligarch because... well, Obama wants to give people a cheap, reliable option, when it comes to purchasing health insurance.

That's how I spell "oligarch," too, you fucking cunts.

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Meet the Cunt:
Meet the Cunt #1:  Exxon
Meet the Cunt #2:  Glenn Beck
Meet the Cunt #3:  The Republican Party